Rebirth

"I want to ride a roller-coaster with Robert" was my answer to my doctor's question when I went to see him about getting weight loss surgery.

"We can do that" was his response.

Needless to say... We DID do that!

Last year (2015) I got Robert, Brent, and I season passes for Michigan's Adventure, Cedar Point, and all the other Cedar Fair parks.

It had been over 10 years since I had been in a roller-coaster... and in 2004 when we went to Six Flags in New Orleans it was the first and last time I had been able to ride a coaster with Brent and Brandon.

In 2013 I had gotten season passes for us for Michigan's Adventure... and though the kids really seemed to enjoy it... I couldn't fit into ANYTHING! Just walking around the park was difficult for me... not to mention it was heartbreaking watching Robert have to ride things by himself when the other boys weren't around. I would have given ANYTHING to be with him and it hurt me so much to not be able to do so.

In 2015 I was determined to change that... that was was my goal of course!

The first few times we went I gradually became able to fit in more things... it was exciting! I loved it more than you could imagine, and having been able to finally do something with Robert that I hadn't been able to do with him was a huge milestone... and it was SO exciting!

It was hard at the same time though... each time we went I'd try to fit in rides and still couldn't... Robert would encourage me to "try" and I would... it was embarrassing, I'll admit... but he was as determined as I was so I had this "they don't know me, or how hard I'm working for this... so fuck em!" attitude.

Each time I'd fit in a ride I couldn't fit in before we would both be SO happy!

It wasn't long before I decided we had to move from our little park here to the motherland... Cedar Point.

It was so exciting taking Robert and Brent there for the first time... I hadn't been to the park in 20 years and it was literally my favorite place in the world as a young girl. As a kid I wanted so badly to graduate school, go to college in Northern Ohio, and work at Cedar Point each summer... that was my dream as a kid... I wanted so badly to be one of those people who stand at the coaster each day saying "keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times... bla bla bla". Funny, eh?

Anyway! The first time we went I literally fit into like 3 things... but that was AWESOME as a few months before we had gone... I'd have not even made it to the gate let alone fit into ANYTHING!

We kept going... we went A LOT... I can't even count how many times we went to be honest... and each time we'd go, I'd fit in something new.

I had succeeded in the "ride a roller coaster with Robert" but on July 4th I made a new goal... Ride "Gatekeeper" with Robert. I had a LONG way to go to fit into that one... but I was determined. I had until November 1st to make it happen... and NOTHING was going to stop me.

Walking around the park for days a time, drinking LOTS of water, and eating reasonably was my diet for the summer... I lost 30 lbs each month pretty much... and each month I'd ride something new... but Gatekeeper (and a few others) were taunting me... bad.

A month before the park closed for the season, I came VERY close to fitting in Gatekeeper... hell, so close in fact that the person at the gate suggested I wiggle myself in, because if I tried hard enough... I'd fit! While I appreciated the suggestion and encouragement... I felt it was important to me to fit in easily - without having to struggle - in order for it to count.

Each time we went... I tried.
Each time I failed... I didn't get upset... I knew I was going to get it.

Or was I?

As the end of the season drew near... I got discouraged. I felt I was not only going to disappoint myself but Robert as well... but, I did it.

It was the VERY last weekend the park was open when I finally slide my ass right into the seat!

I cried... I cried the entire time I was on the ride. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. Ok, it seems really odd I suppose to say that riding a roller coaster ranks right up there with important life moments like the birth of my kids... but it was in that moment where I felt that I had accomplished something so major that I could do anything.

At the end of that weekend I still didn't fit into Raptor, Millennium Force, Top Thrill Dragster, or Wicked Twister... not even close.. my ass was way too wide. But I promised myself, and my kids, that by the time the park opened in the spring - I'd be able to do it.

The winter was hard on me though... I had some serious bouts of depression and was up and down with a lot of things throughout the "dark season" (that's what we call the time period in winter when there aren't roller coasters to ride).

But... Spring didn't stay away forever...

And that's when the rebirth began.